Some things that would never happen in an American School

1. One of my students said I look like a Barbie doll.
"Kate Miss, you look just like a Barbie!" said Kadambari one day (she's the girl on the right who looks like trouble.)
To which Kate Miss' instant reply was, "Oh NO!"
I was so shocked, that's what came out of my mouth. I wanted to ask, "What kind of Barbie do you have, child?" When I think of Barbies, I think of women who would be six feet tall with boobs the size of missiles. Apparently when Kadambari thinks of Barbie, she thinks of blue eyes and blonde hair. I must be the first person she's met who fits that description, other than Barbie.

2. Relationships between men and women are yucky sticky icky taboo to these kids. In music class when I showed my kids a clip from Mary Poppins where Mrs. Banks gives Mr. Bank a little peck on the cheek, some of them winced a little bit. Many of them have never seen their parents kiss.

One day a little girl came running into the staff room to declare, "Sai Shankar said a bad word!"
"What bad word did he say?"
"MARRIAGE!"

3. To teach prepositions to my sixth standard, I made a worksheet that had a brief bio of my childhood. "Katherine Alice Strassman was born _____ December 14, 1982, _____ Milwaukee, Wisconsin _____ 7:32 p.m." Not only were my students shocked silly to learn that I would be turning 27 this year and that I wasn't a teenager, but Naveen came up to me to ask, "Milwaukee, Wisconsin.... Is this your father?"

4. Most of my students are Pure Veg, which means vegetarian, or saivam in Tamil. They are all shocked that I am also Pure Veg, have been so for almost seven years, AND that I'm a Christian! "Christians are not Pure Veg!" I had a fun time explaining that one. Also, during fifth standard English, usually a neighbor starts cooking and the smells waft up to our classroom. The smell is of Non-Veg food, and the students instantly freak out, cover their noses and close the windows and doors.

5. Ok, this didn't happen at school, and this isn't humorous, but it does illustrate one of my big first cultural snafoos: Last night my neighbor Priya rang my bell. She instantly apologized for disturbing me, something I have gotten in the habit of saying when I also ring a neighbor's bell, because that's apparently what you say. She explained to me that her son had a competition at school, the topic was on Water Conservation, 300 words, and could I help by writing this speech? I was flabbergasted, and my response was a swift and solid "No!" I continued, "I really can't Priya, I'm morally against it, I believe students have to do their own work. I teach five days a week, and each day I refuse to do work for my students because that's the only way they learn-- by doing it themselves." I think I also said something about America, and that I was really sorry, it's not that I didn't want to help... I told her I could print some articles from the internet for her at school.... She said, Ok, she normally writes the speeches for her son, she just thought that this time I could help... She was embarrassed, it was awkward, really bad. I gave her the clean tupperware she had lent me full of dosa batter and told her the dosas were delicious, thank you so much, and again I'm really sorry. Man, I felt SOOOOO bad when I closed the door! I should have replied with more tact, I was just so surprised and unprepared for that one! It's true that Indian parents write speeches and make posters and science fair projects for their kids all the time. It's generally accepted. But I cannot accept this! I must learn to be more sensitive and polite about these things! I went this morning to apologize for my reaction, but Priya had guests. I'm going to go back this afternoon to try again. She's been so kind to me. Agh.